I have told everyone for awhile now that I was going to start a blog. What was stopping me is my perfectionism. I want everything to be perfect on my blog. I want the right layout, I want perfect grammar and spelling, I want to look professional… But you know what? SCREW IT! I have been wanting to start this for a long time now and am not going to let myself get in my way anymore!
For my first entry I’m posting a quick Q&A. I had someone send me all these questions in an email recently and thought about how similar they are to questions I get asked a lot, and probably there are some that have these questions that don’t ask me for whatever reason… I edited out names, and other personal items that don’t need to be public. Here is the end result! If you have anymore questions at all, please feel free to ask me!
Note: My fiance’s name is Catalin… A.k.a. Cat.
Q – Are you aware that you must have enough money with you upon entering the country to live on for a certain length of time, plus enough for return tickets back to the states in case something happens.
A – I do not need any set amount upon entering the country. As a USA citizen I can walk into the country and get a visa right inside the airport. I don’t need to prove I have enough money to buy return tickets; I need to already have them. When I purchase the flight tickets, it will be for a round trip flight. That will give me the return tickets I need to enter the country. I will have 90 days in Romania before action is taken to send me home. In that time we will get married and there will not be a need to return.
Q – Romanian authorities don’t accept that someone there will be supporting you, until after you’re actually married.
A – Romanian authorities do, in fact, accept that you are visiting a friend who is a Romanian citizen. Cat will be meeting me right at the airport and can verify that I am there to visit and stay with him during my stay. If I have return tickets to the USA, they don’t really care. Being a USA citizen has benefits when it comes to visiting certain countries. This is also something Cat and I talked about; Betsey and I will be keeping our USA citizenship even after we are wed.
Q – Does Cat have a job with which to support you, Betsey, and himself?
A – Yes. Bucharest is young enough in technology that web designers are paid very well in comparison to here.
Q – It will not be easy for you to get a job there. If you do get a job after you’re married, who will watch Betsey?
A – I will stay at home and craft and sell my crafts both online and at the weekly flea markets that they hold there. I can have Betsey with me at the market, so no need for a babysitter. I’m also looking into importing goods and selling them in Romania.
Q – Cat’s mother doesn’t even speak English. How do you know that you can trust anybody there without having known them personally for awhile? (Then, you can’t be sure).
A – I won’t trust anyone with Betsey alone until I know them personally for awhile. Cat understands and agrees with this, even knowing it includes his own mother.
Q – Where will you live?
A – In an apartment in Bucharest. Bucharest does have trouble spots just like any other city. Cat knows about them, and I even looked up information online and know them now as well. We will live no where near these crime hot spots. Even so, the worst crimes committed are usually pickpocketing/mugging. In all, Bucharest is far safer than any large USA city.
Q – Doesn’t Cat live with his mother now?
A – Yes, he does. There it is not looked down upon to stay with one’s parents. In other countries it is seen as odd to be in such a rush to leave home when you can stay, save money, and help your parents out. They move out only when it is necessary to do so, or they want to for personal reasons. Now that Cat and I will be marrying, he is getting us a place of our own.
Q – You think that you know Cat and he knows and accepts you, but people can be very different when you meet them in person. Yes, I think that Cat is probably the nice person that he appears to be, but there is a possibility that he’s not. Some have had wonderful relationships through the internet, but statistics show that the majority do not end well. One example is my friend, ____. She e-mailed, talked on the phone, and Skyped a man and was absolutely convinced that he was great. She spent her own money to fly out to Arizona to be with him, and very soon she found out that he was not at all the person he portrayed himself as on the internet. She ended up having to call the police to get away from him.
A – Here is where I have some questions for you.. Or rather,___, if she’s willing. How long did she know him? How often did they communicate? Since Cat works from home with his own business, and I stay at home with Betsey, we literally spend all our waking hours on Skype video calls. He has even changed his sleeping schedule so that we can spend our days together. He refuses to let me change my schedule at all because I need to be up for Betsey during the day… Which sadly is his night. So he sleeps during his day and stays up all night, just so we can spend our days together on Skype call. Tell me how often ___ talked to her Arizona man every day, how long did the calls actually last? We stay on skype even as we go to bed. We have both slept all night with the call open. We have done this for 7 months now. Our feelings have not weakened but rather have gotten stronger for one another. The only thing different with us than from any other couple living together is that we can’t physically touch yet… Though painful, we endure this because we know that one way or another we will be together soon… No matter what. Even if things don’t go as planned this time around, we will always wait for one another, and we will be together forever.
Q – Have you thought about being thousands of miles away from all of your family and not knowing anybody, but Cat, and not speaking their language? We can reach you if you need us if you’re in the States, but not if you’re overseas. There is a good possibility that you will be very homesick.
A – I have thought about this a lot. Yes, it will be scary. Yes, I will go through culture shock no matter how well I prepare for it. I know I will get homesick. I’ve even thought about the fact that I will miss certain foods. I’ll miss the small town environment. I also know that after 4 to 5 years that will completely go away. That seems to be the rule of thumb for any expat. They say that once you hit that mark, 4 to 5 years, you don’t even want to return to the states… And returning to the states is a bit of a culture shock. Also, to address the concern about needing anyone.. I will have return tickets scheduled 90 days from my entry in case anything at all should go wrong. Cat also had me go ahead and program the American Embassy’s address and phone number into my phone as well. That way, even though my phone won’t work probably, I will have that information and can find them. The embassy is just next to the airport I will be landing at as well. One thing about the language barrier… That is becoming less of an issue as a lot of the younger generations know english. If anything should happen all I need to do is make it to the center, touristy, part of Bucharest where a LOT of expats reside. There are tourists everywhere, more locals know English because of the tourism, and I can find help. So embassy + tourist center + large expat community. Not to mention that compared to large US cities, Bucharest is safe. I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. This isn’t a stunt like I used to pull… This time I’ve looked before leaping. This is a well thought out decision I have made. I’m also learning the Romanian language.
Q – It would have made far more sense for Cat to come over here.
A – Perhaps to you it would make more sense for him to come here, but that is because you are ignorant of the situation at hand. (I know the word “ignorant” can ignite anger, but I do not mean it in a mean way.) First, Cat is still working on his studies and will be doing so for another year. He offered to come here, but I forbid it and convinced him that it wouldn’t be wise to stay in Romania to finish his studies. That being said, he was a bit relieved, as he doesn’t want to come to the states. But he will, if it becomes necessary. Even so, even if he did, we wouldn’t stay here. Mexico or Canada perhaps but neither one of us likes the States. Secondly, coming here would mean that he would lose his career. Web designers aren’t paid crap here unless you are pals with those high up in a huge company. It is hard for web designers to find work here as everyone and their dog does it here. This is where Bucharest is rich… It is still very young with technology and therefore anyone knowledgeable about programming, web design, or just computers in general can make good money… His income is high and cost of living there is low. Here, not only would he have to switch careers, but we would both have to work. There it is optional if I work or not. I only will work if I want to. Which I do, with my crafting. Also switching careers means he’d need to go back to college here. Which now you have him working, and going to school, me working.. and us barely getting to spend anytime together. We would spend less time together if he was here physically, than we do now via Skype. Lastly, Romania is family oriented. You know good and well it isn’t here. If you stay home from work with a sick kid, you risk losing your job here. Maternity leave is incredibly short here in comparison as well. Companies here don’t give a rat’s ass about you or your family. In Romania family comes before all else. We’ve lost that here in the States. If you really did the research, you would be sickened by how much the States are just a greedy corporate run mess in comparison to most other countries. Mark my words… The USA is about to meet her end. Not because of terrorism or anything else… She’s destroying herself from the inside.
Q – I do kinda wonder why a man as young as Cat, who is barely past being a teenager, is interested in an older, foreign woman with a child when there are young women his age where he’s at. I would have thought that before he met you online that he would have had a girlfriend or was dating. That’s just the way things usually are for guys that young.
A – You are right… For young men in the States. Every country has a different culture, and different ideals. It’s not like we planned to fall in love. In fact, when we first started talking we put each other in the “friendzone”. lol Then we started calling each other bro and sis… hahahaha 🙂 After awhile, though… Neither of us could deny how feelings were growing between us. It just happened. It doesn’t matter the age, or that I’m a mother.. In fact, he didn’t just fall in love with me, but with Betsey too. He loves both of us and we love him. Was he searching for an older woman with a child? Certainly not! But love is a funny thing, and once it has you, there is no escaping it.. And running from such a love as ours would be foolish. How could I possibly ever describe it to you? We are completely open and honest with each other, we communicate well, just… those are key things, but there is so much more! The word “love” doesn’t even really touch the surface of the deep feelings we have. I have not once ever felt this way in my entire life… And he feels the same. Yes, he is young in numerical age, but he is more mature than any of the little farts you will find here. lol Seriously, there is a 20 year old guy who we also gamed with.. and I always referred to him as a “kid”… To me ___ was a kid and I’d forget he was 20. But Cat is a man, he’s not a boy, and I never once thought of him as a “kid”. Maturity matters, age does not. I joke with people when they hear of our age difference, but it’s kind of true… He’s mature for for his age, I’m immature for mine, we meet in the middle somewhere! lol 🙂 Ah, I wish you could feel what I do… Maybe you do with your special someone. I hope you do, because no one should live without feeling this. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world. It’s like Cat and I are one person, not two… Ugh, I’m at a loss for words here.
Q – Romania is not that far away from Syria, and ISIS is being bombed and fought in Syria right now. If Romania hasn’t closed their border to the huge influx of refugees, with which some of the terrorists are coming in with, it will be a very dangerous place to be.
A – Romania is smarter. A few refugees got through, but after Paris no more are being allowed in.
Romania is nowhere near Syria. To us it looks near only because of the huge mass of land that makes up our country. When you’re used to the scale of our country, then yeah, it looks close… But in reality it is not.
Also… You know how Canada is? Kind of invisible to the world… No one cares to take it over or attack it? Just sitting up above us all peaceful like? That is how Romania is over there. A peaceful little country that isn’t in a strategic enough place for anyone to want to bother with. That being said… If anything should ever happen… The center of Bucharest will be the target and we will be living far enough from the center that if anything happens it won’t affect us.
As it stands right now… It is more dangerous to stay in the states than move to Romania. Think about how close to nuclear power plants I am.. If the terrorists decided to attack those… We are dead. We will die of radiation poisoning… A slow and painful death. Now THAT scares the hell out of me.
Q – Well, just try to imagine the reality of being over there and think about it carefully. Ok?
A – I really hope that by now you realize that I know very well the reality of moving over there, that we all have thought things through thoroughly, and that it is the best choice for us. One of my pet peeves is when someone thinks they know what is best for someone else… When they don’t fully know the full situation or what is involved.
Well, there you have it! Again, if you have any other questions, please do ask! I’m open to all questions and advice! I will try to post on here regularly, but cannot promise anything at this point. My next post will also be of what someone said to me via Facebook about my decision to move to Bucharest, Romania. It also will be fully kept anonymous because I respect the privacy of others. The reason I am sharing these items is because I am sure that they are not alone in their opinions and I would like to clear things up a bit for those who doubt.
Thank you so much for reading! Have a wonderful and blessed day!